My brother, who lives in Tokyo, is marrying a Japanese. They have to overcome a cultural barrier. Both of them are ‘international’–both have lived and were educated outside their home countries. While international exposure and education are no guarantee of cosmopolitanism, those cross cultural experiences always help.
The barriers, so far, come from our Indonesian side. As stereotypical pribumi (‘native’) Indonesians, religion–Islam–is an important identity for our parents and extended family. Our parents insist that their daughters-in-law must be Muslims.
For most Japanese, being East Asians–the true Orientals, Muslims’ attachment to their religion is rather bizarre. Unlike Semitic religions, Oriental belief systems do not require exclusivity. The universe creates the gods to whom people pray for their worldly affairs. You pray for good fortune to Inari. The warriors worship Bishamon. You seek compassion by invoking Kanon (Guan Yin).
The Japanese, however, are careful about offending people. They avoid asking too many questions or—godforbid—expressing their disagreement with Islamic values. They demonstrate considerate and accommodating attitudes: Tokyo has halal ramen joints; there is no ban on hijab or burkini. An Indonesian I knew took his PhD in International Relations because Japan feels more ideologically neutral in the post 911–beyond the dichotomy of the West and the Muslim World.
The accommodating Japanese make Japan a comfortable travel destination even for halal travellers. Such politeness does not translate that they accept Islam as an appealing faith. The Far East finds Judeo-Christian (and Islamic) concept of god rather strange—even shallow. An omnipotent being who is ridden with petty jealousy?
A Japanese colleague asked me in a honne beer session, ‘What is the incentive of being a Muslim, especially for women? It seems so hard. You can’t drink; you’d have virtually no chance of redemption for adulteries; you have to cover up; and when you’re dead and go to paradise, you’d still have to share your husband with 40 virgins!’
None. Other than the promise of Jannah (paradise)–where you finally can have perpetual feasts and orgies in the land of milk and honey. For men only. I don’t know how the women will have their fun.
But when you have been born and raised and taught it as one true faith, it is not easy to liberate yourself from a dogma.
My brother and his wife have been legally married under Japanese laws. They could simply register their marriage under Indonesian laws. That way, they can actually circumvent religious ritual requirements under the Indonesian laws; to have a secular ‘interfaith’ marriage prohibited under the Indonesian laws.
The problem is, despite his agnostic-atheist inclination, my brother wants to please our parents by having an Islamic marriage–which require his wife to convert to Islam.
Of course, this is problematic to her wife. Islamic values, compared to modern values, are even worse compared to traditional patriarchal pre-Heisei Japanese values in their treatment of women. She’s worried that she has to wear a hijab or—worse—a burqa.
My brother convinced her that the akad nikah will be just ceremonial. Indonesian white-lies. But one thing I learned about the developed world: ‘Why should we lie when we don’t have to?’
Indonesians, being a thirld world country citizens, are not used to transparency. Official public information is not easily accessible or reliable. So many unsaid rules. We are used to lying and cheating to get by.
I am not justifying duplicity or corruption, but we adapt to our environment.
Now my brother must negotiate between two worlds. I respect his decision. As many migrants, you want to maintain your connection with your homeland. He’s paying the price: annoying relatives overly excited that he has successfully prostelysing Islam–dakwah–by guiding a foreign woman to the Straight Path.
The Salafi school of Islam allows men to have four wives as a mean of dakwah. The more Muslim men marries, the more chance he will reproduce Muslim children to populate this Allah’s world. The end game is international imperialism–the Caliphate. Islamism is like Nazism but with emphasis on faith not race.
The concept of massive population equals power is outdated. The age of the mass has passed. The 21st century is the age of information. Technological hardwares and softwares make the quality of the human capital more relevant than quantity. And there is a problem of overpopulation.
But democracy is a numbers game.
Not all Muslims are Islamists. Most are moderate. Under Islam, they find a community and, sometimes, purpose. Every Friday, they congregate. Zakah (charity) and shaum (fasting) are ways to achieve social justice and train your empathy for the poor. In the West, where they are minorities, they found pastoral support and a sense of identity among fellow Muslims.
Very few modern Muslims want to live with 7th century standards. Even the young Talibs want to take selfies and ride bumper cars. Those who truly want a mediaeval living standard are either denied of the affluences of the modern age–marginalised–or populists in power who are comfortable with the status quo. Or simply a fanatic.
My parents are just scared that we’d be separated in the afterlife. The Muslims, no matter how grave their sins, will be forgiven. While the infidels will burn in jahannam for eternity. Islam is the only faith they know. In times of hardship, they find solace that a big man is watching over them personally.
On the ceremonial day, broadcasted via Zoom from the Indonesian Embassy in Tokyo, we could see how dazed my sister-in-law was in her kimono listening to the foreign prayers. She had to recite the syahadat, declaring that she only believes in one god, Allah, and Muhammad as His prophet–in Arabic and Japanese.
I don’t think she meant it when she said it. She said that Japanese are not religious. When she had to fill in an application form to get a document from the Indonesian government for their marriage’s administrative requirement, she initially put in ‘Buddhist’ in the religion section (she had to revise it to ‘Islam’ later, otherwise the document cannot be issued).
But in a good humoured fashion, she seemed to find it exotic to have an Islamic ceremony. I would also find it exotic if I can participate in a Shinto wedding or even a wedding in a church.
I can’t help remembering Saint Michael’s statue among thousands of Buddha statues in Daisho-in Temple in Miyajima.
‘In the Japanese Shingon school of Buddhism, the Mandala expresses the true essence of things. The spirit of Buddha is present not only in statues, but also in trees, stones and all natural elements: mountains, rivers, plants, and trees. That is we accept all forms of objects.
At the temple, there are not only statues of Buddhist gods but also superheroes and Christian Saints.
Most of the gods in Japanese Buddhism derive from Hindu gods, many have taken different forms and names. Saint Michael, the patron of Mont St-Michel in France (a Miyajima sister city), may have come to Japan under a different name and form.’
Miyajima: Nature, People and Spirituality
The concept of a personal god is absurd. It is highly improbable that god exists. But if he—it—does, it would be a universal god, Spinoza’s god—the Universe itself with its cosmic structures.
Whatever it is, I wish my brother and his wife find comfort in love and affection. That is an Islamic prayer to newly-weds.
