Tag: elder millenials

Toto “Africa” Party

An Elder Millennial Birthday

Brief:

The party should be an experience for all the guests.
It should not suggest that I am a self-centred basic bro who thinks he can solicit his wisdom just because he turns 40.
I do not care if the experience is good or bad.
Play Toto’s “Africa” on loop for hours.

A psychological experiment for a birthday party. A 40th birthday party.

We’re all in to be subjects.

We organised the event.

Dress code: Safari, Tiger King shirt for the birthday boy.

Birthday cake: Moody Baker.

LC: Dara. DJ: Conna.

At 2100 hours, the DJ set played various renditions of “Africa”. After one hour and technical issues, only the original version was played on the loop…For the next three hours.

“No more Toto!”

We were spared by intermissions of other songs: “Mortal Kombat”, “Can’t Get You Out of My Head”, “One More Time”, “Don’t Call Me Baby”, “Ray of Light”, “Pure Shores”, “Too Young”, “Dancing in The Moonlight”, “I Don’t Know Why”, “Rockafeller Skank”, and even “Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!”

For local content, “Mencontek”/ “Back for Good”; “Pingin Beken”/”Breathe Again”; and “Lampu Neon”/”What’s Going On” (back to back, to provide context on 90s unlicensed Padhyangan parody–the Weird Al of Indonesia);

“Sinaran” and “Ekspresi” at Dara’s request.

The real Millennials–those born in the 90s–couldn’t recognise many songs. But DJ Conna played not just the Noughties, but the 2010s: “Clarity”, “One Kiss”, and, of course, “Feel This Moment”.

Okay, now the report on the psychological experiment:

Subject Suar does not experience any trauma. There was a time when he was utterly annoyed by the repetitiveness of “Africa” (and the dad jokes on clues for the next song: “the Black Continent”, “Nelson Mandela”, “a famous water closet brand”…).

It seems that the song is not something anyone can hate.

The Subject, as always, preferred whiskies and whiskeys. But when they ran out, the Subject would settle with gin (the preferred drink of the majority of the guests).

The Subject was not too drunk and managed to capture the moments with his Q. He is very happy with the results (see pictures).

The Subject realised that he actually likes dance parties, especially private ones in which the guests list is his chosen family (and the playlist reminds him of the era when he came of age). He was a bit depressed for some time. He was burdened by guilt for indulging in a hedonistic event such as this (he inherited a Jesus Complex from his mother); he cannot grieve for his mother because he had lost her long before death. He was anticipating waking up with a heavy feeling, a hangover, but he felt so good after sleep. It was as if the party shook the sadness out of him.

Despite his love of one-on-one conversations and his dark brooding jokes made him mistaken as a misanthrope, the Subject is a highly extroverted individual with a strong need for social interactions.

The Subject, during the party, managed to write a note about the host, the birthday boy:

From this man, I learned the rules of power and the psychology of money long before I read Robert Greene and Morgan Housel.

Ostracised by Indonesian traditional family values, left with no chance to satisfy societal heteronormative norms, he became an Outsider who could observe the cracks and loopholes of common people’s expectations.

He taught me to recognises privileges and set aside conventional moral judgments based on envy or political correctness. Ruthlessly leveraging strength to compensate for our weaknesses, while having compassionate views on how the world–people–operates.

He educated me that it is not enough to know how to play the game. You need to know why, so you can opt-out when it’s not worth it.

The most important lesson he imparted is to see money as it is: not a status symbol, not a self-worth index–just one of the social currencies. A tool to buy freedom and to live according to your own terms.

He is vulnerable to addiction and hedonism, but he is a functioning adult. His life seems irresponsible, but he got his shit together. He contributes to the development of the national education system. Whether such a venture is successful or makes an impact is open to interpretation.

He tried.

He jumped inside the arena. Leaving the crowd of spectators and commentators who bitch and moan and tweet and repost.

He could fill that one unforgiving minute with a sixty-second run.

His mouth is sharp, but he’s got a bleeding heart.

I’d call him ‘Bro’, but would it be too basic?

Fuck it. Happy 40th, Bro Angga.

Please note that this report is a self-report and may not be representative of all other subjects attending the experiment. However, Subject Suar believes that all subjects had fun and love the host so much that they are willing to spend a fraction of their life to celebrate him.

May 22, 2024

31 Days of FOMO

I took a month off from personal social networking sites. I did not check or post anything on Instagram, Facebook, Path and Twitter during July 2018. Now I am back online.

Social media is revolutionary. They changed the way we communicate. We chat, express ourselves, share, learn, travel, create art (or its generic imitation of it).[1] We have heard of stories on how social media is instrumental to positive changes, from finding lost child, crowdfunding a good cause, innovation in social enterprise, to toppling authoritarian regime or simply maintaining our relationships.

However, they have negative side effects—intended or intended. Privacy invasion, fake news/hoaxes that ignited public violence, the filter bubble that creates extreme political polarisation, promotion of fake it to make it culture and shallow relationships are among the dark side of social media.[2]

My deliberate decision to take a month of absence from social media is related to personal well-being. Nothing heroic. It is not a symbol of resistance to the invasion of my privacy or a protest against the saturation of labour rights in the ‘sharing economy’. It’s not an effort to be ‘enlightened’ either. Well, I need to do better than denouncing social media to achieve nirvana.

Social media is a distraction. Have you ever mindlessly scrolling through the feed and suddenly realised hours have passed? Then you feel bloated, guilty and anxious—just like after you gulped that salted chips or mediocre cheesecake, i.e. junk food.

I have friend who deactivated her Instagram account because she feels depressed whenever she check Instagram. She’s in a rough time, and seeing pictures from her wonderful past travels makes her wondering when she can travel again. In that way, Instagram becomes toxic for her.

No, I have no mental issues (at least, I don’t think so) associated with social media use. When I’m having a difficult time, seeing pictures from my past travel or life’s highlights on my Instagram, Path or Facebook account actually motivates me. It always make grateful for the privileges I enjoyed, and hopeful for better days to come.

Plus ever since I first took up annual reading challenge in 2016, I have become much less attached to social media. I prefer to read books, the equivalent of consuming slow food as opposed to junk food. But I still use social media because they are fun and help me connect with my friends who live in different cities all around the world. Most importantly, social media serves as my personal digital journals.

I am ruthless in controlling the flow of information on my social media feed. If any of my online ‘friends’ post anything that has negative effect to my feeling, I will remove him or her. This apply to any post that is outright negative such as any post containing sarcasm (no, it does not project intellect) or even ‘toxic positivity’—those carefully engineered picture typically captioned with empty, often irrelevant, motivational jargons begging for ‘likes’.

Nevertheless, I have never tried not to use Facebook, Path and Instagram for an extended period of time. Taking a time off from the personal social networking sites gave me a chance to review and experiment whether I still have control on my social media use. I want to make sure that I still have a healthy habit using social media.

After 31 days offline, I conclude that I still find value or joy in using Facebook, Instagram and Path. I don’t need to take a drastic measure of deactivating accounts. I just need to keep minimising by curating my social media feeds.

And stay away from the Explore page of Instagram.

I recorded significant thoughts during the 31 days of FOMO. These are the redacted and edited transcripts:[3]

Day 1

Made through the first day. I just realised I already have the itch to check my phone and tap to check social media app whenever I am idle and bored. A sign of addiction, or at least embedded habit.

There were times when I peeked into a friend’s phone for his/her social media app. However, when I did this, I was deliberate. We were discussion something and I wanted to show something. In a way, the social media enhanced our face to face interactions.

One thing I regret is scrolling a Whatsapp group before going to bed. I was added to this group without my prior consent. I took a photography course last year and our class decided to create a group. Our class’ group was good, everyone knows and understands the social media etiquette. Then, the administrator decided to merge our group to 2016’s class. That’s when the group became mostly irrelevant to me.

There is this one guy, a 2016 class participant, who set up and promoted his photography course. He is preachy and continuously displays his credentials: published photobooks, awards and exhibitions, but whenever I look at or into his works I found them bland—even lack of taste. His photography course promotion even uses the wrong font: Comic Sans.

I tried to google him just to recheck the legitimacy of his credentials. I have not been able to confirm whether his awards are legitimate or not. If the awards for real, maybe it’s me that has a bad taste in ‘art’. Of course, that is alarming.

Then it came to me: this is social media toxicity. Why do I even bother to invest my attention, my time, a portion of my life for something that fuels my negativity? Even instant messaging can be toxic, particularly the group chat.

I need to exit groups that are irrelevant for me. Stop worrying that I will offend anyone. To expect I don’t have the option to opt out from consuming annoying chat is simply offensive and anti-social.

Day 4

Exited the Whatsapp group. What a relief! I hope the photography course instructor does not take it personally. I respect him and admire his works as photographer and writer (of course, I would not signed up for the course if I don’t). Well, anyway, he’s old school. He started using Whatsapp only after the course, and he does not check Whatsapp so often.

Instagram sent an email. Updating me on the new likes and followers. Nudging me to give back the attention I am withholding them from now.

I just realised I substituted Instagram, Facebook and Path with reading email newsletters now. The good thing: I subscribed to good newsletters e.g. medium.com. So the articles I read add values to my life.

I think one of the biggest challenge to minimise distraction and maximise value in using Instagram or Facebook is the sponsored posts. I wonder whether the EU GDPR has prompted social media companies to offer opt-out mechanism for sponsored posts?

Day 10

Unfortunately, I still have the itch to look and play with my smartphone when idle. I checked emails, podcast, text message. The smartphone is my tic box. It has become an extension of my body.

I think the habit is deeper than the social network site. We have been attached to our mobile phones since they became mainstream. First, we anticipate calls. Then SMS (I remember how excited I was receiving SMS text from my crush in high school).[4] When push email technology arrived, that’s when the real pandemic started.

Day 12

I am beginning to feel the withdrawal symptom. I want to check my Instagram. I think it’s because I’m anxious about my future. I am worried about money, despite it’s not a problem (at least not yet).

Those dark thoughts make me crave for a distraction. Personal social network sites provide easy distraction. I do not have to decide what to consume. With books or Netflix, I have to at least make a choice.

Day 19

I am still battling my anxiety, but I have become indifferent to social media and reduced them to utilitarian value. I visited my own Instagram feed just as reference when writing.

Day 20

Social media can be non-toxic.

A friend who lives in the US was diagnosed with cancer. She has been documenting her struggle on Instagram. She once posted ‘in case I don’t make it.’

My partner saw her Instagram post this morning. She has been declared cancer free. I feel the empathetic joy for her. I imagine how ecstatic she is now.

I was feeling down and anxious these days due to the financial uncertainties. I often zoned out and forget things or unable to listen.

I have a lot of free time on my hand now. I try to be as productive as possible. Mostly, I read and write. But writing is harder than I expected. It’s one thing to write anything that flashes in my mind. Editing them into a coherent essay is the difficult part. It requires deep thinking. It made me neglect chores and it is exhausting. I always sleep early now.

My cancer survivor friend’s post made me elated. My struggle is pedestrian compared to hers. If she can be strong, I should be too.

Day 31

It’s a month already. I must prepare my take on this 31 days of FOMO.

Tweet Box, an artwork by a convict exhibited in Southbank Winter Festival 2015 (London)

[1] Social media is a loose term. It is not limited to social network sites (SNS) such as Facebook or Path. The scientific definition of ‘social media’ was first coined by two business professors Andreas Kaplan and Michael Heinlin as ‘a group of Internet-based applications that build on the ideological and technological foundations of Web 2.0 that allow the creation and exchange of User Generated Content’. Social media rely on mobile and web-based technologies to create interactive platforms where users become part of communities and share, co-create, discuss and modify the content. Check my academic article ‘Arbitrator’s Conduct on Social Media’ for complete references. A pdf copy download link is also available from my previous post here.

[2] See J Silverman, Terms of Service: Social Media and the Price of Constant Connection (Harper Collins, 2015). The book provides critical analysis on the negative effects of social media.

[3] I need to protect the privacy and/or the feelings of relevant individuals.

[4] Yes, I am an #eldermillenials

August 1, 2018