Tag: diversity

The Good Place: Yayasan Pemimpin Anak Bangsa

On 6 October 2019, I volunteered as a tutor at Yayasan Pemimpin Anak Bangsa (YPAB), a not for profit organisation focusing on continuing formal education for underprivileged students. I taught a non-curricular class: diversity and multicultural inclusion.

I admit I volunteered, mostly, because of selfish altruism. I needed to be inspired. I was in a low point of life. I was working in a toxic environment (I was part of the senior management, so I am partially to blame too). I wanted to feel better about myself. And the easiest way to feel good is to do something for other. I am hacking my social animal instinct.[1]

Additionally, Kiki, one of the founders of YPAB, who is also a co-worker and a good friend, is a very persuasive individual.[2] He has successfully persuaded some of the firm’s staff to volunteer as tutors: Vera, our then finance senior staff, taught high school level accounting and Renata, our client relations staff, taught Mandarin.

I want to contribute, but I have never been interested much in Indonesian structured education curriculum. School was a place to socialise, the academic learnings were extra for me. I am more inclined to abstract thinking. When Kiki came out with diversity and multicultural topic—something that I truly care as someone who identified himself as ‘transnational’, ‘multicultural’, and ‘traveller’—I had all the reason to say yes.[3]

At first, I was reluctant to include ‘controversial issues’ such as atheism and homosexuality. I thought the students are grass root Indonesians, they may not ready to discuss them in constructive manners. Then I remember someone wrote that liberal intellectuals who think most people are easily offended and cannot understand liberal ideas are actually elitist snobs. The cultural war will not be won by discussing Camus whilst sipping wine and whisky among privileged and educated social circles. So I went for it.

The classroom was crowded. There was only one fan in the room to help mitigate the room temperature, and they kindly directed it to me. The class was briefly interrupted with power outage. However, all the students listened attentively. Engaged. None of them was looking at their smartphone when I was presenting. Many of the women were wearing hijab. There was even one lady in burqa who consistently made eye contact and I saw no contempt when I declared I am an atheist muslim.

In summary, I taught them about affinity bias; on how we have the tendency to like or more comfortable with people who look like us. I also explained the concept cultural identity as something abstract and relative but most importantly malleable. One’s emphasis on the value of identity may not be the same with others; for some religious affiliation is important, others their profession matter more. I also taught them about our prejudices. As humans our reptilian brain have them intuitively, affected by our upbringing. Yet as humans we can check our assumptions with our reasoning. I closed the session with pro-social questions. There are several questions which acceptability differs in certain cultures. For example, “What is your religion?” and “How much is your salary”—one is acceptable in Indonesia and the other in Singapore.

They gave me a wonderful little surprise for me: birthday cupcakes. They sang happy birthday to me, celebrating my belated birthday. I am not really into cupcakes, but the gesture made me into cupcakes.

Surprise (late) birthday party!

I did not plan to stay long after class. But then I talked with Kiki, co-founder Dora and the volunteers Dira[1]  and Vera, in the administrator’s room. There was also Pak Junardi, he was a director in one of the largest telco company in Indonesia. He visited YPAB to consider volunteering as a tutor.

I did not realise yet that the administrator’s room that day became my class room and I had 5 powerful tutors.

Pak Jun said he is a kampung boy, grew up in a small village near Blitar (he said it is not even in a map). He migrated to Jakarta after getting a degree as a mechanic from a vocational school. He worked at the casino as a dealer (it was the Ali Sadikin era, that’s how senior he is). When the casino was shutdown, he became a peddler selling cigarettes. Then he found employment as a biology teacher.

He had two advantages that made him a good teacher: he can and read English books; and a kampung boy knows plants. He told us that when he did not have the money to buy books, he’d hang around a bookshop for hours and read and made notes (public libraries were not common in Jakarta, even until now they tend to have limited collections). His hobby is bonsai.

We all wanted to know how he joined and climbed to the top of corporate world. However, he was saving that for his official class in YPAB. As further teaser, he told us that he is a certified 7 Habits coach and he has been coached by Stephen Covey himself. During his time in corporate world, he instructed his managers to write their personal statements. He still have his pasted on his home office desk.

After Pak Jun left, Kiki and Dora told me their war stories in building the organisation.

I am impressed with YPAB Tanah Abang facilities. It is located in a building owned by PLN, the Indonesian state power company, by the Ciliwung River. It is a humble building, right at the heart of a slum, a hotspot for their ‘target market’. Yet they have everything a proper school has. Some of the rooms even have air conditioner. If their tangible assets are these impressive, they must have great intangible assets.

Riverside view of the YPAB: kids swimming in River Ciliwung (definitely polluted).

Both Kiki and Dora are highly (internationally) educated and well travelled. They have powerful professional careers. Despite their privilege, this is not to say that they are immune to setbacks. Dora had an employment dispute and was let go when the firm she was working for was acquired. It was during that tumultuous period she built YPAB. Kiki left a promising career at now the biggest law firm in Jakarta, partly because he was struggling with mental issues, then he built the foundation.

When they started, they struggled to acquire and retain ‘customers’ (i.e. students). Apparently, many not-for-profit organisations focusing on continuing formal educations are less than credible. They issue the degree to the students without actually administering the education. The administrators’ unjustly profit from the grants, the faux students got a formal degree without having to put the time and efforts for educating themselves.

Consequently, funders need to be convinced that YPAB is legit. While they need to find customers who are actually willing to invest in education. Kiki told me how he struggled with the latter. Many marginalised people are unable to see the benefits of investing in education. Given the financial stress they are under, they have more pressing needs to get a job. Their time spent on studying is time lost on working. Additionally, the pragmatic use of a formal degree is to get a job. Thus, in short term, the less than credible organisations which can offer the degree without requiring them to study and attend class have more interesting proposition.

When YPAB Tanah Abang was opened, one student enrolled. Reluctantly. He was late for 1 hour, making the tutors wait. When it was raining, he said he could not go to school despite his home is walking distance. Kiki picked him up with umbrella.

They ‘market’ the program by approaching people in public. When Kiki was working as a lawyer in an international law firm, they went to drivers’ cafeteria in CBD office buildings to handout flyers during lunchtime. They spoke to peddlers on Car Free Days, pitching their free education programmes.

YPAB secured a significant grant in 2014. They told me how they spent sleepless nights preparing for the proposal and pitching to the funder, each contributing their professional skills. They were competing with larger organisations with good reputations too.

Kiki said things are progressing fast when Rizal Arryadi joined as headmaster. He is a brilliant educator. Now, people are on the waiting list to enrol. If a student slack off, they would be expelled and replaced. Students are coming from as far away as Bekasi and Bogor (YPAB even subsidised their train fare). Some of the students are admitted to public universities.

YPAB stories are classic entrepreneurship lessons. The underdog stories that everyone loves.

The vision, the purpose, the focus, the teamwork, the experiments, the sacrifice, the dedications to customer service, and the fun and joy. They are all textbook grit implemented. I can see why they have powerful career. Their skills and resilience are transferrable to any other aspect of life.

I imagine how painful it is for Kiki to listen to surface level jargons such as ‘#Clientsetisfaction#’ (the misspelling and double hashtags are exact quotation). Kiki has built and developed a credible, real organisation, delivering valuable education services with significant constraints. Not just a papier-mâché relying on empty branding and often deceptions.

That Sunday, I was in a company of amusing characters. Their non-conformist and bold attitudes allowed them to live such a impactful, therefore meaningful, life. It was a Sunday well-spent. I was and still am, inspired. They reminded me that there are talented good people creating good places.

However, I feel ‘small’ at the same time. I realised I have been too self-absorbed lately. I think only on how to make things work at the firm (a hopeless cause, now I learned) and how to maintain my expensive lifestyle. I worried about money most of the time. Feeling guilty for not being productive and failing to achieve my ‘targets’.

I have forgotten that none of us can walk through life with impunity from sadness, sorrows, and worries. I was suffering in a false sense of isolation. By giving myself to someone and something beyond myself, I woke again.


[1] I also meditate daily and undergone psychotherapy.

[2] I recruited Kiki in October 2018 as an associate lawyer for the firm I was managing. Just a month after I was hired as the deputy managing partner, I needed to restructure the team of lawyers. Budget was tight but the only way to improve was to recruit talented people. Kiki was referred by a former co-worker and a friend. I never thought a person with such high qualifications would accept the offer we made. He could have found a much more competitive offer in terms of salary and remuneration.

[3] I once attended a CPD class on Multicultural Inclusion by Simmon Holiday when I was working for Herbert Smith Freehills. So I copied and modified the materials to fit profiles of YPAB students (I hope it is not a copyright infringement since it is for ‘non-commercial use’).


Andira is a volunteer for PPKN subject

The Ultimate Diversity Couple

I have close friends who are mixed-race-homosexual-couple, Indonesian-Norwegian. I have known the Indonesian guy since high school. He met his Norwegian partner when they were in Copenhagen Business School. They are legally married under Norwegian laws. I do not think it is wise to disclose their real names since they are living and working in Indonesia, therefore I will refer them as Pleasures the Indonesian and Bear the Norwegian.

While I do take pride in being friends with them just because the fact they are homosexual couple (to brag how ‘liberal’ I am), they are amusing individuals and I think our friendship is politically neutral. I would still be friends with them for their personalities even if they are a monocultural heteronormative couple.

Hanging out with them is an acquired taste. They don’t just break the stereotypes of a couple (homosexual couple is an anomaly in heteronormative cultures—obviously), they also break the stereotypes of gay couple.

They are far from apologetic and have zero, if not minus, political correctness—especially Pleasures. They have the audacity to tell the plain cold hard truth with no sarcasm. These make them good friends and counsels. They will tell me things I need to realise, and not what I want to hear.

When I was getting fat, they would say I was getting fat. They do not say it in a mean way, but in a ‘get-your-shit-together’ way. When we were dining together with a friend who was having financial difficulties, Pleasures suggested that she should be exempted to pay because ‘she is poor now.’[1] However, they never said anything with malicious intent. Their brutal words are mostly plain articulations of their capabilities of empathy, or expression of jokes.

They are both masculine. Well, not to the extent as masculine as Gareth Thomas, the Captain of Welsh Rugby Team or Professor Oliver Sacks, neurologist, rider and weightlifter, but I train boxing with Pleasures and Bear is into video games.[2] Their physical features are more manly than me: bigger size, heavier built with facial and body hairs.

They don’t know anything about make-up, hairdressing, manicures-pedicures, They are not into selfies and update their Instagram only sporadically (when they do, it is rarely about themselves). They do not listen to Taylor Swift.[3]

They don’t follow Kendall Jenner or the Kardashians (in fact, we never discuss any subject that is E! Channel material). They do not gossip and never employ sarcasm in communicating. In short, they are not superficial.[4]

I took a comparative analysis on the dynamics of Pleasures and Bear’s relationship with my own heterosexual partnership. They communicate the way men communicate with each other e.g. short sentences, nodding. While in my case, my wife does most of the talking even though we are both extroverted and talkative (except during exercise or when I’m drunk—and I am talkative).[5]

This seem to be evidence in support of the notion that ‘guys do things together, girls talk to each other’. Pleasures has many girl friends (note that the space makes all the difference). It seems he prefer to ‘talk about things’ with his girl friends who are, mostly, single ladies.

When Pleasures was making travel plan for their trip to Mongolia, he wanted to make sure their itineraries are full with activities.[6] He said they are not like me and my wife who can talk to each other all the time when there is nothing to do.

Or perhaps, it’s more because Bear is an introverted individual? I don’t think so. I am an extrovert and I don’t really talk about my feelings in full extent with my male friends. I can open up better to women.

All these facts seem to support the notion that homosexual couple is atypical of heterosexual couple. Nevertheless, they have to deal with the same issues of romantic/sexual relationship. They may communicate differently but they still need to communicate.

As multicultural couple, they also break the cultural stereotype. Indonesian men are stereotypically unreliable in domestic matters such as cooking, cleaning, ironing, and laundering. They are not expected to do ‘women’s work’ and many middle-class households have domestic helpers. Pleasures is better in homemaking. He is an excellent cook (so good that one of the greatest past times in Jakarta for me is the lunch or dinner parties hosted by them) and always keep their home organised.

Once, Pleasures went on a business trip for a week and Bear sustained himself only with awful foods he ordered from a restaurant nearby. He was too lazy to cook, not adventurous enough scour streets of Jakarta for decent food, and/or has not developed sufficient language proficiency to order delivery. It seems paradoxical considering Bear’s Scandinavian cultural background.

Reconstructing heteronormative mindset and masculinity

Being friends with them required me to undergone a structural change in mindset. Fortunately, all that travelling and reading have taught me that the world is much more complex than the mindset, the concept, or the thought system we have acquired or familiar with. I have learned that our cognitive capability is unable to grasp base reality, simply because it is unnecessary for our survival.[7] Mindset or ‘concept’ is useful for us to process information by filtering and fitting them into a system.[8]

By acknowledging and being aware of a known concept’s limitations, we can adapt, change, and adopt new ones. Concept is analogous to categorisation system. We arbitrarily label something for ease of reference. However, a label is representation of the real thing, but not the real thing.[9] We need to expand our references and be open to different mindsets as well as applying them in context if we want to understand the universe a little bit better.

There is this misunderstanding on homosexual couple, at least in Jakarta, that one of them must be the ‘wife’. The ‘wife’ dude is the maternal one, the effeminate one, the one who express his excitement in high pitch and obsessed with glitters and pastel colours (literally, the gay individual).

I remember an episode of Modern Family when Cam was upset because he was grouped as ‘the mums’ by ‘the dads’ at Lily’s school. The moral of the story: there is no ‘husband/wife’ division in gay couple. They are both ‘husbands’ i.e. men, persons with penis.  Trying to fit LGBTQ couple in a heteronormative mindset does not work if we want to understand them.

The term ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ are progressively becoming more gender neutral. In the traditional (misogynistic) values, the husband is earning the money and the wife does everything else. Nowadays, it’s supposed to be about genitalia. Misogynistic values are not just holding back women in reaching their full potential but also hurting men with toxic masculinity expectations e.g. what if the wife is a better and more interested in business and the husband in homemaking? It may seem a reversal of roles, but works in modern society—especially in urban society—do not put men’s physical strength as a competitive advantage.

The stereotyping of homosexuals are not just rooted in heteronormative mindset, but also in the concept of ‘masculinity’ which both sexual orientations are subjected to and adhere, consciously or unconsciously. Under conventional masculinity, men are expected to refrain from expressing their emotions and avoid ‘self-indulgent activities’ (e.g. manicure-pedicure, facial, etc). Homosexual men are not exempted from such expectations. Yet no matter how they satisfy conventional masculinity, they can never be considered as real men because of their sexual preference. Consequently, many homosexual men think they have to choose between the two camps: machismo or gay. Of course, the camps are, again, concepts and labels. They can be a non-binary choice.[10]

Pleasures and Bear also taught me to transcend the concept of monogamy. Pleasures and Bear are the only couple that I am close with that practice open-relationship. They can have sex with other guy, as long as it is casual and disclose it to each other.

Despite Indonesia is the largest Muslim country in the world, polygamy is still a controversial concept for most Indonesians. Monogamous relationship under the romantic concept is still the default psyche and the mainstream approach for couples. Political correctness in Indonesia demand public figures and celebrities not to be openly polygamous, even for dais (Islamic preachers). Under the default traditional moralistic views, open-relationships are deranged. The fact that Pleasures and Bear are homosexual couple seems to reinforce the idea that homosexuals are basically immoral people.[11]

Moralistic point of views aside, I know that long-term monogamous relationships relying on infatuations and expecting ‘happily-ever after’ is not realistic. Nevertheless, I do not think I and my partner can function under open-relationship arrangement. As Alain de Botton aptly put, it is difficult to be a libertine and have a stable emotional relationship.[12] Maybe my need for emotional stability is higher than them.

Pleasures and Bear understand the risks of open-relationship (at least, I think they do). They dive in to the libertine arrangement and reaping the explosive excitements of sexual freedom—even in conservative Jakarta. Bear, being a white guy, exerts competitive advantage in the Jakarta’s dating game.[13] Pleasures may be ‘local’, but being highly educated intellectual with strong financial capacities, he also enjoys the privilege of desirable date. Many times they even join forces and have threesomes or orgies.

Until one day, Pleasures met a talented fashion photographer. I will call him Argonaut. He is Chinese Indonesian. Pleasures is infatuated with him, and their feelings are mutual. He overstepped the boundaries. His relationship with Argonaut is more than casual. Consequently, Pleasures and Bear went into a spiral. They decided to separate and Pleasures move out from their cohabitation flat.

After series of emotional breakdowns, therapy sessions, Pleasures decided to leave Argonaut. Strangely, Pleasures and Bear met with Argonaut. They all drank together and talked. One thing led to another, infused by alcohol, they ended up having a three way. Bear also found emotional connection with Argonaut.

Now they are having a love triangle but with no one excluded for another. A polyamorous relationship. Can I call them a ‘triple’? I remember once I told them that if they would be the ultimate diversity couple if they adopt an East Asian or African child. Seeing them together, it seems that the concept of ‘modern [nuclear] family’, where interracial same sex couple adopting ethic minority child, is not progressive enough in diversity initiative programme.

I jokingly told Pleasures that he is a true Muslim man. A successful polygamist who is able to bring together his ‘wives’. It may seem that Pleasures hit the jackpot. Nevertheless, I imagine his mental bandwith must be exhausted. He once complained that there are two snoring guys sharing his bed. He also admits that he is not optimistic on the sustainability as a triple.

I am grateful for my friendship with Pleasures and Bear. Their life stories are amusing. Most importantly, I can observe specimens of contemporary love up close and personal. This is a rare opportunity for someone who was born and lived in Jakarta for most of his life. Orthodoxy is the majority view here (not even conservatism). Therefore, my default moral matrix is not liberal. I had to educate myself to be culturally liberal. We learn the most from the people closest to us. Pleasures and Bear provide both the emotional connection and the intellectual stimulation, the heart and mind approach, to understand identities and relationships of homosexual men.

Perugia Pride 2019

[1] Being the more diplomatic one, I corrected him: ‘she’s broke.’

[2] I know it’s not the 90s anymore when contact sports and video games are associated as the past time for men, but still they are still male dominated pursuits.

[3] I do. As Detective Jacob Peralta aptly said, ‘she makes me feel things!’ See Brooklyn Nine-nine, ‘Unsolvable’ (S1:E21).

[4] In Indonesia, gay people are often assumed to be ‘superficial’. Pleasures thinks the stereotype is not entirely wrong. Most of the homosexuals he met in Jakarta are superficial. Nevertheless, he added, many heterosexual men and women in Jakarta are also superficial. I think superficiality also subscribes to gender division, i.e. the ‘basic bros’ and the ‘basic bitches’. Gay superficiality is represented by men who act as ‘basic bitches’. The combination makes a juxtaposed double cringe and, therefore, superimpose the superficiality.

[5] I scored 90% for Extraversion in Myers-Briggs personality test. My wife 98%.

[6] My Indonesian friend is the dominant one in the relationship, he seems makes most of the decisions. This is also contrary to the stereotype that Asians are more submissive compared to Western people.

[7] S Adams, Win Bigly (Penguin, 2017).

[8] Concept is analogous to software in computer, while our body and corporeal senses are the hardware. We do not see with our eyes, but with our mind.  See Invisibilia podcast Emotions.

[9] NN Thaleb, The Black Swan: the impact of the highly improbable (Penguin, 2018)

[10] M Humphries, “Gay machismo” in A Metclaf and M Humphries (eds), the Sexuality of Men (Pluto Press, 1985) 70-85.

[11] Of course, many homosexual couples are strictly monogamous. Additionally, there are heterosexual couples who are under open relationship. I just imagine it must have been easier for the woman since she wield all, if not most of, the powers of sexual tension. After all, men will be happy just to ‘get some’.

[12] A Botton, Course of Love (Hamish Hamilton, 2016)

The Ultimate Diversity Couple [13] Most Jakartans, and Indonesians, still struggle to be free from the Dutch colonial era eugenics psyche. Pleasures, half-jokingly, referred this competitive advantage in dating as ‘white supremacy’.

Netflix’s Sex Education

The plot: an awkward 16 year old who is a son of sex and relationship therapist opened up an unlicensed sex therapy clinic at his school. The business idea came from his übercool super-smart classmate who observed the gap in sex education among their teenage peers who are at their peak puberty phase.

Set in Moordale, a fictional county that is supposed to be in UK—based on the landscape as well as students’ accents and racial demographics (yet the school infrastructures seems American. Lockers, no uniform and Ivy League look alike school insignia).

Moordale is a liberal democratic socialist utopia. Interracial families and social cliques are common, European (open) attitudes toward sex, no homeless: all immigrant families live in proper housing and even the trailer park is decent, pro-life activists are laughable minorities, and zero racist or homophobic harassment incidents.[1] Moordale people has the privilege that every individual’s problems are existential and no longer basic economic needs.

Like in Channing Tatum’s 21 Jump Street, Moordale’s public high school social ecosystem has evolved progressively. The cool kid is the smart feminist with strong sense of individuality who reads all of Jane Austen’s books by the age of 12. The pretty South Asian gay boy is a member of the popular gang (because ‘homophobia is so 2008’). The dumb blonde with big tits is kind. The big bully is an outcast. The jock is still the stereotype of high school jock of the 90s: athletic (the star of the swimming team), handsome, and popular—except he is black and a son of a mixed race lesbian couple.

The series’ characters are a model of successful diversity initiative programme. The main star Otis Milburn is still a white male. However, he is not portrayed in a traditional escapist masculine character that glorifies jocks. He is sweet boy who tries to get through high school as an invisible, always in the corner unnoticed. He is also a virgin who cannot masturbate due to childhood trauma.

Otis lives with his mother Jean, a therapist with PhD and a man eater. She co-authored a best-selling book ‘Pillow Talk’. Her past success working collaboratively with her ex-husband on the book made her struggle in writing independently. And, despite her wealth of knowledge teenage puberty, she could not help not to pry and invade Otis’ privacy out of her maternal instincts.

Jean does not subscribe to monogamy, especially after her ex-husband cheated on her and left. However, when he met Jakob Nyman, the Swedish hunk plumber, and developed love interests, she projected her insecurities to him despite her years of professional experience and wealth of knowledge in psychoanalysis. Jean wrongfully assumed that Jakob is like her, a divorced womanizer who often romances his customers.[2]

Maeve Wiley is the smart attractive bad girl with charming dark personalities from a broken home. She is above popular. She is cool. She lives in a trailer park (another hint of Americanisation, poor Brits live in council houses), her mother is a drug addict, her father left the family and a brother who disappears regularly due to trouble with the police or the mob. At odds with her white trash upbringing, she consumed literatures and philosophy books. Exposing and exploring her thoughts on feminism, existentialism and transcendentalism and punk music. Maeve was the one who came with the idea to monetise Otis’ innate gift to listen and counsel on sex and relationship matters by setting up the underground therapy clinic.

Otis’ best friend, Eric Effiong is gay boy from an African immigrant family. Eric’s father as a first generation immigrant is always mindful to ‘assimilate’, repressing his self-expression to fit in his new Western society. Therefore, he is worried of Eric’s exuberant non-conformist queer sense of style that makes Eric stand out.

When Eric experienced homophobic assault, and Otis failed to listen to his agony since his best friend was self-absorbed with infatuation towards Maeve at that time, he changed his style to be more conformist. To be more invisible guy in the corner like Otis. Nevertheless, he found comfort in his family’s African church that he is loved.[3] Eric decided to come to the dance ball with full on African style. He stood up against the bully, denouncing his fear to be different. At the dance, Otis asked him to dance and mend their broken friendship. The dance ball, ‘the sexist tradition appropriated from American culture’, can be fun and a platform to bridge platonic relationship between a heterosexual from upper middle class family and a homosexual from a working class minority.

I think when Eric and Otis danced (Eric lead, of course), it was the most heart-warming and poignant scene in the entire series (and the series is full of them). The scene summarises the progressive values: that ultimately we as species can transcend our corporeal homophily and cultural concepts. That all values and concepts are malleable. They are not constant nor absolute. They are open for modification and upgrade.

The core theme of the series is sex. Real sex. Not sex as falsely advertised in porn or lifestyle magazines. Baseline and carnal, sex is a force of nature that shapes our personalities and emotions. By openly discussing about sex and breaking down the social taboos, we can emancipate societies from sexist traditions and archaic heteronormative mindset to liberate ourselves from toxic masculinity that oppresses both women and men.

Sex Education is a cultural propaganda with powerful progressive liberal agenda. It can be an important arsenal in the cultural war against populism and orthodoxy.


[1] Eric the black teenage queer experienced one homophobic incident in an episode, but it happened outside the county.

[2] Jakob is widowed and has not had sex since the death of his wife.

[3] As described by the Trevor Noah, black churches are the most passionate and warm with all their communal singing and dancing. See T Noah, Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood (Spiegel & Grau, 2016).